Because Everybody has Something to Say at the End of the Year

They say it is easier to end something than to begin a new one. As Linkin Park puts it, the hardest part of ending is starting again.

In endings, you simply have to let go, hold on to some parts of what had been, and fill your heart with acceptance. You are about to close a chapter but you are responsible of choosing which memories, lessons, moments would become part of the next one or at least become a part of who you will be. Some things you have to leave behind and some you take with you. Letting go yet holding on. In doing so, you look back and review the year that was. The process is easy so after a little while, you’re done saying goodbye. You take a step forward to a new chapter that’s waiting.

This time, you see yourself taking a pause. A long one. There are so many questions in mind, hesitations, fear. Oh yes, the same fear that you thought would cripple you a year ago when you were also just about to start is behind you again, holding you back from taking your very first step to a new year. You look ahead and all you is see is blank space. No precise lines in sight, no shapes that form a scene, no arrows yet that would tell you where to go, no light, no darkness. A canvas. You look below and you see a path just enough to accommodate the first step you’ll make if you actually do make it. At that moment, only that measured path is certain – a path that tells you there is a promise of a new beginning, a path that takes you forward, a path that will take you where you are supposed to be in the next days of your life. At the same time, this path is also telling you that you don’t need to know exactly where you’re heading in order to begin. You just simply have to make that step and that’s it. Your story will unfold as you continue to move and trust the one–the only One who knows exactly your destination.

As I write this, my foot has not yet moved.

I am trying to recall, trying to reflect, trying to put every thought into words. Maybe after this, I will be braver.

2014 taught me that I am not supposed to know it all or to plan my life like I own it entirely. I could only chase after what is in front of me, to never stop dreaming and believing and to use whatever is given to create beauty in this world. When you pray for something specific God gives you something else, don’t turn your back from it. That something else could mean everything to what you have prayed for. Your prayer is not altogether denied. God answers in ways we will never understand but here’s a truth I’ve discovered: we will always, always appreciate His ways in the end. He never fails. :)

I am saying goodbye to 2014 with not a single page published, nobody to call my boyfriend, no big thousands of money in my savings (let me rephrase that: no savings at all), no trophies won, not a lot of new stuff in my bedroom, no long list of achievements.

Come to think of it, not having it all is a blessing in itself. Because what we don’t or didn’t have will never ever compare to what we have received. Whatever it is that we have as we end the year is everything we ever needed. And guess what? We made it through with what we have. :)

I say hello to 2015 with hope that I will continue to take the story of my life one step at a time. I will continue to write for the love of the craft that’s for sure. But this time around, without expecting anything in return. I will continue to love every person that comes my way and try my best to be more accepting of others’ flaws and shortcoming, less critical of their actions and more encouraging. I will continue to love even when I don’t receive it back. I will continue to dream and chase after the desires of my heart, optimistic and excited for the future I will never be certain of. Not because I wish to be disconnected from reality, but simply because I believe that God’s surprises are never boring. And His surprises can reach us here, in the “real world.” I will continue to stay simple and real to who I really am. I am not perfect, I believe in God but I am not without sin. I am a struggling young adult, I don’t know all the answers to my questions, I am not a perfect daughter nor a model friend. I am simply trying to make sense out of my life by clinging to God’s promises and living every day for Him. Life is about Him, this story is about Him, the next year is about Him. In all these, the best I can do is try and part of that trying is to take a step forward.

Here’s the same old me who wants to prove that I have learned my past lessons well and is excited to change for the better, taking a step in. :)

Cheers! :)